Mother's Day - By Choice?

Your children are not your children

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

Mother's Day is not easy for everyone. It is not always a time of celebration of brunches and colorful flowers.

Not all mothers want to be mothers. Sometimes it is about timing and where they are in their life and more recently, some of our millennials do not want to be mothers (or fathers) at all. 

In 2021, the Pew Research Center survey found that among adults who do not already have children, fewer are planning to ever have kids.   The survey revealed 44% of non-parents ages 18 to 49 say “it is not too or not at all likely that they will have children someday.” The 44% figure is a 7 percentage point increase of non-parents with this view since the survey was conducted in 2018. 

In 1963 when my mother found out she was with child (me) she was in her first year of college and dating this debonair ambitious young man who had his eyes on the governorship of Kentucky one day.

Then I came along and changed all that.

There were not a lot of choices in 1963.

 1. Suddenly you had an aunt who lived out of state that you needed to go visit for 9 months. 

2. You were relieved of all family relationships as you were kicked out of the house and told to go make it on your own. 3. You had a date with a coat hanger. 

4. You married the boy. 

My mother married the boy. They eloped and a few months later, I arrived into the world of two college kids who did not plan “this.” And I was told that for the rest of my life, how I was an accident. My dad said I was an accident. My mother said I ruined her life. We were off to a grand start. 

Those early development years are crucial and to hear messages like both of my parents said, one joking and one blaming, had an impact. How can they not in a young developing mind? 

We may soon be in that paradigm again with the Supreme Court Justice leakage about over turning Roe V Wade. How many young mothers will make life-changing decisions of back alleys and unsafe practices? I have a relative who recently said to me, "Oh they have that abortion pill. That will take care of it." I said, no not really. I was 3 months pregnant with my son when I found out. As a woman with irregular periods, I did not know. A pill would not take care of a situation such as that. 

One in 4 women in the U.S. have had an abortion. The average woman is married and already has kids. The pregnancy is an "ooops," an accident. 

How many women will have unwanted  children? How will those kids turn out? 

How will the dynamics of the family change if Roe v Wade is overturned? Will the next attack be on birth control? Does this further separate the classes in a caste system? The have's and have nots. Women will be forced to stay at home and continue raising children? Daycares will explode with less funding? Back alleyways will bleed?  Foreign travel will increase including across state lines? 

Does the next attack come from those who sit on capital hill as the ones who define the family structure? The man and woman family structure - not the same sex loving parent structure? "On the one hand, there are reports of higher levels of intimacy and happiness between gay couples, making the divorce rate lower between same-sex couples than opposite-sex couples." [pridelegal.com]

Mother's Day this year has brought up a series of questions and opportunities for our voices to be heard. Vote your conscience. Vote your belief system. Vote your Truth. 

No child wants to hear they are an accident, unwanted, a burden. 

No person wants to be forced to be a parent.

"The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

so He loves also the bow that is stable."

 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  Matthew 11:29

In some Native American traditions, it was not a Talking Rock but a Talking Stick. When the stick was passed around, it was your turn to speak and you had the full attention of the tribe. You were not interrupted. What you said held value.  What is on your heart today? 

 What are you looking for in prayer support?