I love listening to Faith Rivera sing, “Everything is holy now.” What if we really treated LIFE that way? What if we treated preparations for DEATH in the same manner? Everything is holy now – LIFE is holy now. Death is holy now. Wow, how does that feel? Is it scary? Faith sings, “Everything is a miracle.” We say birth is a miracle so how about death? Could it be a miracle too?
I had not spent a lot of time with death. Death makes sense for grandparents, a natural aging process until breath is no more. It was sad to lose them, but it was expected. I loved them and I know they loved me. What wakes you up in death? For me, when it was my paternal grandmother, my wake-up call was watching my father and his brother cry. They are both strong men. At the time my uncle was a rather large man and to see him shrink to that of a boy – a boy grieving his mother – crying at the loss, well, that made me question so many things. Maybe grown men could cry…
Back to death. What is it about death that is so scary? Are we prayed up? Are we confident about “the other side?” Are we ready? Oh, not yet you say. So when are you ready? When your body is frail and breath is hard to come by? When the body is in pain and no longer responds the way it used to even in simple matters like toiletries. Are you ready when a life partner precedes you? An adult child? A grand child? When are we ready?
Would it help if we had an advocate? Someone designed just for us to prepare for the passing through this earthly veil to the what’s next. The Conscious Dying Institute in Colorado facilitates transformational training that “renews the purpose of care-giving as a spiritual practice, awakening innate healing gifts and talents of care givers and creates beautiful rites of passages – it restores Death to its sacred place in the Beauty, Mystery & Celebration of Life. “ Wow, what if that was our journey? What if we looked at Death as a Sacred Place? An End-of-Life or Death Doula does just this. This beautiful Light Soul has a calling to create a meaningful passage to release what needs to be released in this life and be open for what’s next.
If you were to review your life right now, is there anyone you would want to reach out to that maybe you have not heard from in years? Is there anything that needs to be said that will be left unsaid if you don’t do the reaching out? And are you ok with that? I watched a movie over the weekend of a dying father, an older gentleman, who had two sons. One was married and in this particular hospital scene, the daughter-in-law is in the room. The man is drifting in and out of consciousness and it is obvious through previous scenes that he had been incredibly hard on both of his sons and now death is at his door. The daughter-in-law played by Kate Hudson says to him that he was the most helpful when her own sister passed away. He is surprised by her remarks.
You said nothing in life will call upon us to be more courageous than facing the fact that it ends. But on the other side of heart break is wisdom.
The wisdom that came up for me was the things left unsaid stay with us forever. I wish I could tell my sister how much I loved her and how much I idolized her. But we never said those things. We just weren’t like that. And suddenly one day she was gone. And I have all these things to say, but no one to say them too.
The father-in-law says, “Both of my boys know how I feel.”
And Kate Hudson says, “Are you sure Gabe? Your boys will remember this time for the rest of their lives. It will shape who they are as men."
How do you want to be remembered? How will things be left, said, and unsaid, when you are gone? You might think, it doesn’t matter, you will be gone. But how will those that you loved be? They carry on. I used to have very strong feelings that I did not want the father of my children to be at my funeral (if I go first.) And then preparing for my mother’s funeral, I knew she and her sister had been at odds for years, but I was close to her sister, my Aunt, and I wanted her support so I called my stepfather and I told him that I needed my Aunt. He said, don’t worry, he had already called her. Support is not for the dead.
Funerals are not for the dead.
Funerals are for the living.
Have you said all you need to say to those that you have loved? Are you clear for take-off and your new landing? Would you like an advocate in the Watch-Tower to help clear that runway and navigate that flight path? Are you ready for smooth flying? Join us Sunday, June 6th for “Saying What Needs to Be Said,” with special guest Doula, Lynn Principe Golden. Let us enter the next realm with a clear consciousness.
With Deep Abiding Blessings,
Rev. Tracey Quillen
(unityofpalmharbor.org)
